Archive for January 2013
Absurdnya Budaya Petasan
Tanggal 27 Agustus 2013, bentar lagi tahun baru dah...nambah tua aja ni sob kita-kita. Udah punya schedule apaan aja elu sob? ngajak jalan gebetan? apa ngajak jalan pacar orang? terserah dah mau yang mana. Tahun baru itu identik sama terompet dan petasan.
Ngomong-ngomong soal petasan, pikiran pertama yang orang pikirin pasti ngak jauh dari rasa takut,kaget dan was-was, apalagi di kota gue Pekalongan yang nyaman dan indah ini walaupun sungai di kota gue warnanya "Absurd" udah kaya pelangi sob, kadang merah, kadang kuning, kadang ijo, kadang biru, kadang gue mikir apa jaman sekarang pelangi bisa ngambang di air gitu??? whatever lahh, di kota gue petasan itu sudah membudaya sob, dari anak-anak sampe yang udah berumur. Ada 2 jenis petasan yang sering di mainin di daerah gue sob, dari yang petasan mahal (maksudnya yang kaya di tahun baru gitu) sama petasan yang hand made yang macem-macem juga bentuk dan tekniknya, kadang udah mirip BOMB sob, karena gua sendiri pernah ikut nge-buat tuh petasan, jujur gua sendiri takut kalo di suruh buat kaya gituan.
Tapi gua kadang ketawa sendiri sob kalo liat temen-temen gua dan gua sendiri. Kenapa? soalnya gini sob, petasan hand made itu yang bikin elu puas / yang elu nikmatin apanya? suaranya kan? iyaa kan suaranya masak yang elu nikmatin bentuknya, kan bentuknya standar banget tuh "Lonjong atau Silinder". Pasti kan suaranya pas meledak tuh "Duaarrrr" terus elu tepok tangan..prokk..prookk..prookk..sambil teriak-teriak wuuhhh...wuuhh...hebat,,hebat. Apalagi kalo itu petasan yang buat elu sob, behhhh gue bisa tebak kalo elu bakal ngomong" wiihh,,,bikinan siapa dulu doong(sambil benerin jambul rambut)" karena kalo elu ngomong gitu sob, elu manusiawi banget karena gue juga bakal ngomong kaya gitu karena itu gaya gue banget sob hahaha. Tapi itulah yang ngebuat gue pernah mikir dan gue ketawa sendiri ampe keram nih perut, kenapa? karena gue baru nyadar kalo kita itu rada konyol dan Absurd.
Petasan yang bikin elu seneng kan suaranya, tapi kenapa pas elu nyulut tuh petasan elu lari sambil tutup telinga, .yaa elu ngak bakal denger jelas tuh suara petasan meledak, harusnya elu kalo bener-bener suka ama suaranya tuh petasan harusnya abis elu nyulut tuh petasan jangan lari sob tinggal deketin kupinglu aja dah ke petasan pasti mantep tuh suaranya kalo perlu elu tempelin tuh petasan di kuping elu pake lakban terus elu lilitin di samping kuping elu, gue jamin tuh suara petasan pasti bikin elu puas dahhh.
Iya ngak sob bener kan, ngak usah usah lagi-lagi tutup kuping elu, orang yang bikin elu seneng suaranya kok, tempelin aja tuh kupinglu di petasan, kalo elu tutup kuping terus lari mah sama aja bo'oong sob.
Maling Helm Profesional
Bismillah,
Selamat siang yang panasnya kaya di neraka kalo kata orang alay, barang kali tuh orang pernah ke neraka, atau kalau bejemur/ Paradise ke neraka tuh orang or whatever lah ngak penting juga kalo di bahas. Kenalin nama gue Ahmad Syukron bin Ra'adi bin Tayik bin Fulan bin Fulan bin Fulan bin Fulan bin sampai bin Adam alaihissalam, ehh jangan salah gue juga cucu dan dan keturunan nabi sob, tapi ada orang di muka bumi yang luas ini yang percaya bahwa manusia itu keturunan/ evolusi dari kera (homo sapien) sob, berarti tuh orang keturunan monyet, kalo gue sih ngak mau...orang gue cakep ini hehe .Tinggal pilih sob elu pilih keturunan Adam apa Monyet, kalo elu bingung ngaca dulu aja sob atau tes DNA atau kalo perlu elu shalat Isthikharah dulu sob minta petunjuk yang Maha Kuasa.
Kalo udah tau elu jenis apaan tinggalin komen di bawah aja sob biar gue tau. Tadi nama gue, sekarang kerja..iyaa kerjaan gue, gue sekarang kerja jadi OP warnet sob, gue udah ngejalanin penderitaan gue jadi OP udah 5 bulan lebih sob, kenapa gue bilang penderitaan? karena jadi OP itu ngak gampang sob, musti pinter otak-atik billing kalo uang warnet kurang, mesti murah senyum ama pelanggan biyar betah di warnet kita, juga mesti sabar ngadepin pelanggan yang banyak macemnya, dari emak-emak bawel, remaja yang alay dan doyan Modus, ampe bocah tengil yang sok tau.
Oke, bakal gue ceritain atu-atu susah senengnya jadi OP warnet sob, gue mulai dari mana nih sob? kayaknya yang baca tulisan gue wajahnya susah-susah, yaudah gue mulai dari cerita gue susahnya jadi OP.
Pengalaman gue yang masih kebayang terus di otak gue itu pas ada Helm Ink warna putih abu-abu monyet atau lebih tepatnya warna putih (frekuensi pengeliatan gue beda ama temen gue yang helmnya ilang) ilang di warnet, ehh maaf bagi penganut teori yang nenek buyudnya Monyet jangan tersinggung.
Hmm... gue masih kesel aja sob kalo inget-inget kejadian itu, kenapa ? karena maling helmnya di warnet gue, gue kan jadi ribet, mesti di tanya-tanya macem ampe bingung gua jawabnya, gue adain konfrensi Pers juga lama-lama. Ribet soalnya sob, oke langsung gue ceritain rangkaian kejadian yang sambung-menyambung menjadi satu itulah Indonesia eehh kok malah nyayi gua ya,,,pertama-tama gue introspeksi dulu lah, mungkin gue banyak dosa dan punya salah sama orang sampe-sampe help yang letaknya di sebelah gue sampek ilang ra'ib di bawa orang, gimana ceritanya tuh sob? lu tau gak sob? kalo lu tau lu aja sob yang nyritain,,,detil waktu kejadian itu jam 8 malem sob saat orang2 merasa nyaman dengan dunianya, emang waktu itu gua juga masih nyaman di depan chat fb sama TL gue sob, behhh tiba-tiba udah jam 10.47 aja tuh cepet bener. Mungkin gara-gara gue terlalu nyenyak sama chat gue dan terlelap sama TL ehh di kata gua tidur, mulai dah tuh cerita yang menyimpan banyak misteri di mulai.
Temen gue kelar mainan Internet, terus nanya ama gue.
"Bro, liat helm gua ngak bro? tadi gua taruh sini bro"
"Helm Ink bukan bro? " kata gue.
"Iyaa"
"Warnaaa abu-abu" warna yang di bilang temen gue pas baru beli tuh Helm.
"Tidaaakk"
"Hmmm,, ijo lumut" Mulai bingung gua, gua jawab ngawur.
"Tidaaakkkkkk"
"Merah dongker"
"Tidakkk"
"Abu-abu monyet muda" gue improfisasi jawaban gue barangkali frekuensi pengelihatan temen gue udah rada ngebaek.
"Iya bisa jadi, bisa jadi"
"Hmmmm ahhh...emmm...putih,,putihhh" tuhh kan bener, matanya udah rada bener, akhirnya gue jawab warna asli tuh helm (dalam pandangan gue warna putih)
"Iyaaaa...hahaha"
Akhirnya, lu ngaku juga warna Helm elu tu Putih bukan Abu-abu monyet.
Girang dah temen gua, padahal helmnya ilang tapi girang aja tuh anak.
"Di mana bro, lu umpetin ya?"
"Engak bro, sumpah kagak gua umpetin tuh helm (kalau gue jual sih bisa jadi bro)"
"Lha di mana bro? kok kagak ada! "
"Sumpah broo gua kagak gue umpetin tuh helm" mulai panas dah tuh anak, ampe pengen gua siram lama-lama kalau perlu gua panggil BLANGWIR sekalian.
"Lha di mana bro? masak ilang bro, kan di sebelah elu bro?!!"
"Ngak tau gue bro, don't panic calm down bro...di bawa temen lo yang tadi kali bro?" emang kalo di sebelah gue ngak bisa ilang?? (se-sakti ikukah gue di mata temen gue?)
"Ngak brooo, tadi gue taruh di samping pintu sebelah elu eee,,eee tapi di luar bro.."
"Waduhh,,, elu juga bro naroh Helm di luar."
"Tapi kan di sebelah elu bro?"
"Iya sih bro, tapi gue kan ngak bisa mantau 100%"
"Iya,,, tapi kan elu,,, ahhhh..." mulai merah nih anak, bentar lagi jadi HULK, gue siap-siap ambil PALU gue.
"Wooleess broo, calm down....kita inget-inget dulu aja, elu kan tadi keluar beli makanan masih ada ngak tuh Helm?"
"Bentar gue re-back se-inget gue..!!!" tuh anak jongkok lama bener, ampe ngebuat gue pengen teriak "WOYY PINDAH WOYY UDAH PENUH TUH, UDAH NYUNDUL WOYY!!!"
"Gimana brrrr"
"Sssttt diem dulu bro!!!" omongan gue di potong gitu aja, emang roti maen di potong-potong aja.
"Gludukkk,,gluduukk...gluuduuddduukk.." 3 orang nyamperin gue sambil lari, maen lari aja nih orang di kira gue bagi-bagi Zakat ??!!!
"Kenapa om?" buseettt dah gue di panggil OM? kapan gue ijab kobul ama tante elu, tua'an juga elu dari pada gueee.. gueee imut-imut giniiiii,,,
"Ngak apa-apa bray, nih cuma Helm temen gue ilang"
"Oww...hmmm (sambil ngeliatin sandalnya masih ada apa engak)"
"Gimana bro? dapet sesuatu?"
"Iya broo, waktu gue keluar tadi masih ada, berarti kira-kira jam 1/2 9 - 9.00 ilangnya broo... soalnya gue nyari makan jam 8.10 dan gue balik jam 8.20 terus gue taroh di depan, jam 9.10 motor di pinjem Apid (temenya temen gue) tapi kata dia Helm udah kagak ada bro !!! cuma ada Helm Honda" beehhh,,nih maling ada Helm honda yang harganya 14 juta lebih(Helmnya kagak di jual eceran/ beli motor baru dapet Helm Honda) malah milih Ink yang cuma 300-an,,,pinter juga nih maling
"Bentar bro, jam segitu emang ada 2 orang di depan ama 3 orang nge-print terus cabut bro, tapi gue kagak terlalu fokus bro" maklum gue masih fokus chatting ama cewe tjakep, saking cantiknya ampe di sedekahin tuh cantiknya si cewe, apalagi pas pake kerudung beehhhh adem benerrr,,, di kira pohon beringin kaliii ademmm.. gue jadi ngelantur gini ??? whatever lahh..
"Nahhh itu broo,,, lu inget mukanya 2 orang yang di luar itu broo? soalnya tuh orang kayaknya mondar-mandir gue liat tadi"
"Sorry broo, gua kagak inget bro, mukanya kagak keliatan jelas dari dalem bro..sekilas sih dia kaya mau masuk tapi ngak jadi"
"Kamprettt,,, ###$5@!!$$%^&&^^*():>???{}" lu tau dia ngomong apa? lebih tepatnya sih ngak ngomong, tapi ngeluarin hewan-hewan yang ada di kantongnya, ampe pengen gue tangkep tuh hewan-hewan kan lumayan kalo di jual haha ,barangkali temen gue ke warnet ngak bawa duit? tapi cuma bawa berbagai macam hewan di kantongnya? whatever lah...
"Woleess broo...woooless..." mungkin dalem ati temen gue bilang "Woooless...woolleess...pala lu, Helm gue ilang ini!!!" ehh kok gue jadi suudzhon ? astagfirullah
Tiba-tiba dari 3 orang yang tadi lari kaya mau rebutan Zakat ada yang ngomong kayak gini "Udahh mass, ngak usah marah-marah gitu, salah mas juga naruh Helm di luar!! kan udah ada peringatanya :"Kunci sepeda motor anda dan selamatkan Helm anda sebelum di amankan Maling"
"Iyaaa,,,tapi kannn ..aaahhhhhh... @@##$$%%^**??">**}}{##%^@#%^" masih banyak aja tuh hewan di kantong temen gue.
"Sorry yaa broo, gue juga kurang fokus ama Helm elu di luar..sorry banget broo..."
"Ngak apa-apalah broo..." setelah bayar warnet temen gue pergi dengan kemungkinan jadi HULK di jalan 70% dan gue juga merasa bersalah.
Satu yang gue ambil pelajaran dari kejadian ini. Peraturan itu kadang di anggap sepele, tapi inget !!! hal yang elu anggap sepele belum tentu sepele juga akibatnya, elu ngak bakal ngerasain sedih,kecewa,marah dan sebagainya jika elu belum kehilangan sesuatu yang elu punya, elu bakal menghargai dan merasa sesuatu sangat berharga di saat sesuatu itu sudah hilang, bahkan yang tadinya elu anggap sepele.
Dan inget juga manusia itu makluk sosial sob, saling tolong menolong, berbagi kepada sesama dan menghargai orang lain.
Kalo ngak bisa berbagi, hargailah milik orang lain. Jangan malah elu ambil sesuatu punya orang.
Semoga tuh maling sadar dan kembai ke jalan yang benar. Dan buat temen gue sabar sob, rezeji udah ada yang atur.
TO BE CONTINUE.....
30 of the Best Android Apps You Should Have in 2013
SwiftKey 3 Keyboard
SwiftKey 3 is one of the most intuitive keyboards you can download for your Android devices. The predictive text is phenomenal, and there’s even a tablet version which offers a split keyboard for landscape mode.
JuiceDefender Ultimate
JuiceDefender is a must-have app for anyone who wants to get better battery life from their Android device. There are three different versions—one free and two paid—to give you the right amount of adjustments to fit your needs.
Business Calendarl
Business Calendar is the most feature laden calendar you can get. Between the widgets and easy change from month to week day view and drag-and-drop appointment changing, there isn’t much Business Calendar can’t do.
Splashtop Remote Desktop HD
Sometimes there’s a need to access your computer after you’ve already left the office. Splashtop lets you access your computer from everywhere you can get an internet connection, and it’s the only application out there that shows the entire computer screen vs. a shrunk-down or partial version.
Personalizing
Paperland Pro Live Wallpaper
An extremely customizable live wallpaper that looks like a diorama come to life. Choose the settings for the scene, weather and time. Each of these tabs have multiple options to change to make a really unique background.
HD Widgets
HD Widgets gives you A LOT of widget choices. Everything on the widget is customizable, from the fonts and colors to what is displayed. There’s even a huge 6×2 widget that works with larger screens like tablets.
Nova Launcher Prime
One of the newer home screen launchers out there, Nova Launcher Prime, integrates gestures and has some pretty cool plug-ins available. Another cool feature that Nova has is the ability to hide application icons for apps you don’t use.
ZEDGE
ZEDGE is a phenomenal application for finding backgrounds, ringtones, and notifications. Recently, games and live wallpapers were added to the items available to be downloaded.
Music
Spotify
Spotify lets you listen to just about every song you could ever want to hear. Use the radio to play similar artists to what’s on your playlist,s or similar to a specific song or artist. Free and paid versions are available.
Poweramp
Poweramp is the ultimate music player application for Android: the 10 band EQ and support for most popular music file formats and gap-less playback set Poweramp apart from the others.
iHeartRadio
iHeartRadio was recently redesigned and came out as a spectacular customizable radio app. Not only does it play local live radio stations, you can create customized radio stations based on your musical tastes.
Soundhound
When you hear a song playing and like it, use Soundhound to figure out who the artist is and the name of the song. When Soundhound figures out what song this, you can bookmark it for later and even see the lyrics as you’re listening to as the song plays.
News and Social
One of the most anticipated social media apps of all time, the officialPinterest app lets you upload your own Pins as well as view your Boards, Like and Repin items. This has great integration with Android devices.
A really great way to get your news, Flipboard pulls in information from your Facebook, Twitter and other social feeds to bring you news you will actually be interested in. News is also shown from feeds like BBC and USA Today.
Tango
A great video and audio calling app with a messaging option, Tango is a great alternative to apps like Skype, and communication between Tango users is free.
This is a great app for curating your favorite articles on the web. Save pages in your Pocket account and view videos or webpages from any of your devices, including your computer.
Lifestyle
Ancestry
Tracking down members of your family isn’t always an easy task, especially when they’re spread out over different continents and time periods. The Ancestry app links to your Ancestry.com account and lets you create new additions to your family tree.
Trulia – Real Estate & Homes
Looking for a house to buy or apartment to rent is a lot of work—Trulia is a big help in showing you what is available in the area you are thinking of moving to. Set your criteria, and see what’s out there.
Sleep as Android
Knowing how well you slept is important, and by using an app like Sleep as Android, you will be able to see how long you were in a deep restful sleep vs. light sleep. Also, there’s an alarm to wake you up when you’re not in a deep sleep, thus making you less groggy in the morning.
BeerSmith 2 Lite
Brewing beer can be pretty satisfying in more than one way. The problem is, making a good beer can take lots of trial and error. BeerSmith 2 is your beer cookbook with thousands of different beer recipes ready for you to use.
Games
Granny Smith
This is a great physics-based game where you are a elderly old lady chasing down apple thieves. With fun graphics and spectacular crashes, Granny is hell on wheels as she wreaks all kinds of havoc trying to save her apples.
Nun Attack
Nun Attack is a good way to eliminate some of that pent-up Catholic guilt. Take on the forces of evil by controlling four nuns with guns and special powers—you can even use miracles to your advantage.
PITFALL!
Not the PITFALL! you remember playing on your Atari: the basic combination of running and jumping and using the web is still there, but it’s a lot more graphically-intensive and challenging.
Zen Bound 2
Zen Bound 2 is one of the most unique puzzle games of the year: using a rope, you must try to cover as much of the surface of the 3D wooden sculptures as possible. This seems like an easy task, but takes a bit of strategy and forward-thinking to accomplish the task.
Photography
Instagram is the most well-known of the camera apps on the list. Its claim to fame is the way you can filter the image and share your camera art with the Instagram community.
LINE Camera
Add cute little touches and stencils to the pictures you take, and then share your images with over 17 million users all over the world or on your favorite social network with LINE Camera.
Camera360 Ultimate
Camera360 is a super-powerful camera application for Android devices with high-resolution cameras. Camera360 is also front-facing-camera compatible. It’s great for taking self-portraits on phones with higher quality front-cameras.
Pencil Camera
Transforming your image into a drawing can really add a unique look, and Pencil Camera does just that. You can take a picture and immediately see what the pencil-sketched version of the picture will look like in the preview.
Actioncam
With action photography, timing is everything. Using Actioncam lets you take several pictures right in a row to make sure you capture just the right pose, plus it has a variety of frames and filters to enhance the photos further.
Silent Camera
Sometimes, to take the perfect picture, you have to take it as silently as possible. Silent Camera eliminates the shutter noise all great cameras make when you take a picture—with no noise, it’s easy to take continuous pictures without being noticed.